Saturday, April 21, 2012

Caption Me: I Didn't Ask For This

When the hubs and I decided to have another baby (which we decided immediately following having the first), I think I wanted new baby because I thought he would make first baby so happy.

"I didn't ask for this!!!"

There are those moments when it is not I who thinks, I didn't ask for this because, you bet your butt I asked for this.

It is poor little first baby, our David, our everything, our star, the love of our lives... who didn't ask for this.

Now, I am really exaggerating in the above photo. This isn't what our days are like most of the time. I asked David to "please lay by your brother so Mama could can get a picture to send to Grandma D." This is the picture we got.

I am exxttrreeemely blessed to have an amazing first born who truly loves, helps, and looks out for his baby brother. Sometimes, I sit in my chair and get tears in my eyes over David's genuine sweetness towards his brother. Yes, there have been a few times (as I recap my Facebook wall for stauts updates) when I felt like I was saying "don't touch your brother" more than I would have liked, but overall I couldn't have asked for a better kid.

We love David so much that we wanted to give him his brother. All of a sudden the word, "kiiidddssss", laced with excitement, started escaping David. He looked like a little puppy dog who just heard the word "outside" at every mention of seeing kids. The other week, I got dropped off by the hubby and kids at a girlfriends house. When they pulled away, David started crying not because his Mommy was leaving, but because he wanted to stay and play with her "kiiiidddss".

It is my biggest fear as a stay-at-home Mom, that people will look at my kids and think to themselves that they are "stay-at-home Mom" kids. I can't even describe, I guess, what a stay-at-home Mom kid is in a bad way - unsocialized, maybe? A Mama's boy? Fearful? Uneducated? Unexposed?

To be sure none of these descriptions fits the bill for my kid, we go. We do. I encourage. I support them. I love them. I let them be and I also hold them back when they need to be. Sometimes (and it's harder than you think), I have to leave them. I have to go be MB instead of Mom.

Through all of this going and doing, hopefully, David and James will be looking at each other instead of looking at me. That is how I remember my childhood. I know my Mom was there somewhere but it is my brother and my sister who I remember doing things with. That to me, is a damn good Mom.

I tease that David loves me now, he may not love me when he is 20, but please let him love me by the time he is 30.

After having James, I think to myself, please let him love his brother. Always.

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