The Watch Situation

If you are reading this, I took "The Watch Situation" post out of draft form. It is funny how a small, seemingly insignificant moment in my day could rock my world like a asteroid blasting into my living room. I think the small chain of events that occurred resulting in this: "The Watch Situation" post, have actually been a product of a looming change in my brain for quite a few months.

Now, do I dare remind myself:

Photo Credit // Treks in the Wild

There. I said it. I mean, I read it. I mean I shared it.

There. It is the most important thing I could remind myself of this week:

"Collect moments, not things."

Gah, but it stinks doesn't it? Things are beautiful. Things are satisfying. Things fulfill me. Things make me pretty. Things make me:

Better.
Smarter.
Savvier.
Happier.
A better mom.
A better person.
A better cook.
A better wife.
In better shape.
Tougher.
Wiser.
More responsible.
Craftier.

Blah...blah...blah.....

Things don't make me any of these. I make myself.

So, what does a watch have to do with any of this?

I wanted a stupid, expensive watch for Christmas. When I received said watch from my husband, I nearly trembled opening the box I was so excited to get it. I watched my kids opening their Christmas gifts. The joy on their faces and little squeals from playing with their new toys. I exuded the same, "oooo-ing" and "ahhhh-ing" behavior over my pretty, fancy watch, which I am sure I saw on some blogger via Pinterest or some other shopping site I was drooling over during nap time. A watch which was a fantasy.

I was so excited about my watch, I brought it over to my parents on Christmas and made sure everyone saw it. When I got home, I took out the watch again, wore it proudly, and made plans to get it sized the very next day at the mall.

The watch and I had a blissful, consuming relationship for a solid 12 hours on Christmas. If you looked for me, you would find me staring into the mirror, holding up my watch to my face. How could two things, the watch and I, fit so perfectly together?

After the kids went to bed Christmas night, my husband pulls out the dining room chair and starts his very favorite activity of the week: bill paying. Oh, yes. My husband paid bills on Christmas. Not only did he pay bills on Christmas, he wrote out our 2013 budget plan that night as well.

The watch and I broke up.

Everything beautiful, precious and special about the watch, was only a memory.

You would think hearing "2013 budget" coming from my husband would just make me feel a little guilty about getting a ridiculous watch a mere 12 hours earlier. However, this small moment made me realize I had been prancing around over an item. An expensive, piece of metal. I had let myself receive some THING to somehow fulfill something inside me.

I let a watch make me feel happy, better, beautiful, satisfied, and fulfilled.

Suddenly, I felt really, really stupid. I looked at the watch and it made me ugly.

Sometimes, I get so hurried over the consumption of everyday things: I need. I want. I get. I gawk over THINGS thinking I need them to be happy. In reality, I already have everything I need. I have my husband, my kids, my family, food on the table and my home.

Everything else, is just a stupid watch: a distraction.

So, where do I go from here? Do I return the watch? Do I neglect myself the gift from my husband? Will I always look at the watch and think I succumbed to the happiness of a THING? Aren't I allowed little joys in my life that come from things?

What a list of questions to answer for myself. Questions once answered, I know, will help make me a better person in the end. A person who doesn't have to have things to feel something.